


Lament for a Change

by U2fuckingsucksidkwhymydadlistenstothem



Category: Original Work
Genre: Emotional Baggage, Gen, Poetry, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-02
Updated: 2018-03-02
Packaged: 2019-03-26 05:45:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 710
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13851318
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/U2fuckingsucksidkwhymydadlistenstothem/pseuds/U2fuckingsucksidkwhymydadlistenstothem
Summary: Just some vent poetry to help me get through some stuff that's going on





	Lament for a Change

The tears I’ve been swallowing whole have turned caustic

Hollowing me out inside until there’s nothing for them to eat away at

They’ve been gobbled down one by one far too fast

They’re coming back up now

Burning ulcers on my tongue while I try to keep them in, keep them held back, keep them from melting everyone around me

There’s a flood in my lungs that I don’t know how to handle

All I know is drowning is imminent

Fissures are growing in my emptying existence

And I don’t know what’s going to happen

I fear for what’s going to happen.

Binding myself to the back burner of my choice,

I know I’m scorching away into nothingness

The tears have left my stomach brimful

No room in my palate for food and my stomach won’t empty of them

They don’t come up with heaving, all that will come up is the odd leaf of spinach from a meal over half a day past.

 

They burned my eyes away recently

And ever since, my empty sockets have become faucets

Opening in the worst moments

Opening in the moments where my peers might bear witness

To the aching pit growing evermore

As the hourglass trickles out.

Vision was lost the moment my deliquesced orbs streamed down into the soapy pot I was washing

And even though I’m scrounging to find them once more,

I know that they ended up rinsed away down the drain.

But all I’ve got is a fraying ripcord that I’m clinging to that is sure to evolve into my noose once the tattered ship I've tied it to is bound for the crags

There is a chance

That I will be like Esther and I won’t find a place to tie it to

But as my body hollows more and more I shrink and shrink and the number of exposed joists high enough up to guarantee a success grow and grow.

I can’t remember a time where I was fully solid

All I know is that it was blindingly bright and time was spent running in circles round and round under Apollo’s chariot

But that was so long ago.

Now I’m running, searching as the sky falls so utterly that there isn’t visibility

Power isn’t in my hands

Power was never in my grasp

And I swear I know, I know it never will be

But wholeness won’t be found without it.

 

The swivvets have risen

My voice is being dampened as the desire to speak out is snuffed

Like a candle under a tidal wave.

How can I explain

The change when I’ve quickly regressed from being able to sprint around without a care to having the simplest words stumble as the pass my lips?

How can I explain

When I’m running on empty?

How can I explain

When I want to sit closest to the door whenever possible lest the need to bolt arises?

But I choke it down into a compromise of sitting in the front but still as close to the door as I can manage?

How can I explain

Ending up puling in a ball in a bathroom after stuttering out, forcing out, words bound to a hyper-fixation?

I’ve wept a river in this past week alone

But it matters none

It changes none

All I can do is make sure it drowns only me

Dissolves only me

Sweeps away only me

Muffles only my voice.

The river cannot put out the source

And it is taking its toll.

 

I know I’m an emotional train-wreck

I can’t stop it

Can’t stop the wreckage I devolve into

Can’t stop my tears turning into acidic compounds and burning me away

Melting my bones ‘til I’m a pile of goo

Because I handled them improperly

Left goggles and gloves in their respective boxes

Never got a lab coat to protect from the danger

And now they’re gone

And now I’m fading

And now I’m being dragged down.

Don’t know if I’ll get up this time

Don’t think I’ll be able to.

Can’t blame my organs for doing this to me at this point this time

So I might as well let it take me down to the oysters.

Might as well see what's down there.


End file.
